I certainly didn’t expect the message, but it seemed innocuous enough. It came on a Thursday afternoon while I was half-distracted in a meeting, staring at some power point on the screen as someone droned on about year-end sales projections or something else I didn’t give a shit about. The preview on my phone caught my eye first, it was my friend from college, Maria (28F) who I (28M) had graduated with, the text read:
Hey! I know we haven’t talked in like forever, but someone told me you still live in the city. It’s been a hot minute but I’d love to reconnect sometime if you’re game?
We had overlapping friend groups back in the day. She was pretty cool, a little rebellious punk rock kind of vibe (honestly my type). Though nothing ever really happened between us. There was a vague, drunk memory of us making out once. Pawing each other’s “parts” over clothes, but nothing that ever went anywhere. I’m not even sure we mentioned it again until like a year later when we laughed about it, a “remember when we were absolute idiots that one time?” kind of thing.
We hadn’t seen each other in years though. Maybe twice since graduation 6 years ago? If that.
But the message wasn’t weird though. She was absolutely the kind of person who would message an old friend out of nowhere and ask to meet up, just because.
I typed back before overthinking it:
Yeah, absolutely! What’s up? Coffee? Beer? Whatever works.
She chose coffee. That narrowed the possibilities a little, but not much. Maybe she wanted to catch up, or maybe she wanted something else. I wasn’t sure, but she was cool and honestly kinda hot so why not, right?
She had been funny in college, fun to be around. I didn’t assume anything, but I didn’t not assume anything either. A part of me wondered if this was some delayed spark, or if she was just bored, or lonely. Or if she just wanted to test the waters and see what happened. I was cool with any one of these possibilities and honestly? I had the time.
So we picked a day, a decently nice café in the arts district that Saturday morning.
I told Shawn (39F), the woman I’ve been seeing, (I know, age gap. That’s a whole story) the night before.
She was brushing her teeth when I mentioned it, foam at the corner of her mouth, hair up in a bun, wearing one of my shirts. Her eyes flicked to me in the mirror.
“She’s an old friend?” she asked.
“Sort of,” I said. “Not someone I was super close with but yeah.“
She spit, rinsed, wiped her mouth. “Uh-huh, kinda random, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Do you think she wants something?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“I honestly have no idea.”
Shawn shrugged. “Well, if she wants to sleep with you, I would very much prefer that you did not do it if I get a say here. But if she wants something else? I mean, go for it. Worst possible case scenario, it’s awkward coffee.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I’ll find out I suppose.”
The next morning at the cafe, I saw Maria before she saw me. She was standing near the door with a to-go cup already finished, tapping her foot, her black hair shorter than I remembered with a few pink highlight streaks in it. She had a new piercing on her nose, and a couple tattoos I didn’t think she had back in school. She’d filled out a bit too. Healthier looking now, not as wiry as she used to be. She looked good.
When she spotted me, her whole face lit up. Arms out to a big hug.
“It’s so great to see you! You look so good!” she said as she pulled back.
“So do you.”
We got inside, ordered drinks, sat in a corner booth by the window. The conversation started light. Just work and life, mostly surface stuff. She was currently a restaurant manager at a place downtown. She talked through a brief stint in the nightlife industry and how it was too much for her, and how it seemed like a logical transition after that.
After a while I asked as casually as I could, “So, are you seeing anyone?”
She gave a quick smile. “Yeah. Actually, I’ve been with someone a while.”
I was slightly crestfallen, as bad as that sounds. Shawn and I weren’t exclusive, and it does feel nice for your ego when an old person from your life reaches out because they’re interested in you. I tried not to let it show on my face, but it probably didn’t work.
“What’s his name?” I asked, forcing a smile.
“Her name’s Kate.”
I stared for a moment at her as a smile crept onto my face, “Her, huh?”
Maria smiled and rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Surprise! Shock of the century, I know.”
I shrugged, “No, not at all, actually. Tell me about her.”
“She’s younger than us. She just turned 23, and we’ve been together for about two years. She’s actually waitress at my place. That’s how we met. So…I mean—she’s technically my employee, but we don’t have to talk about that.” Maria said with a small grin.
I laughed with her, “And it’s serious?”
“Pretty serious,” she said, and something softened behind her eyes. “She’s uh…she’s really good for me actually.”
“Well that’s fantastic, I’m happy for you.” I said, really meaning it.
She did seem happy. Happier than I ever remembered her being in college to be totally honest. She was always a bit angsty.
She asked about my life next. I kept it simple: work stable, also kind of dating someone who I worked with, even though she wasn’t my boss, which we had a good laugh about.
“We seem to have trouble not shitting where we eat.” she laughed.
“Hey you’re the one in the restaurant business.”
We laughed and talked for a bit longer, but then there was finally a shift. I knew it was coming, the reason she asked me here. She straightened her back, wrapped both hands around her mug, and took a steadying breath.
“Okay,” she said quietly. “It’s truthfully so good to see you. But, I should probably just…jump into the real reason why I asked you to meet.”
I blinked. “Oh?”
Her knee bounced under the table. “So. I’m going to try my absolute best to not make this weird, I promise. And you can absolutely say no. Like, seriously—no pressure, you won’t offend me.”
This was when I realized she was nervous. Really nervous, even shaking slightly and unable to maintain eye contact.
She folded her hands, then unfolded them. Her eyes flicked up to mine.
“I want to ask you something kind of…big.”
The first thought that flashed through my head was: She’s going to ask me for money.
“Okay,” I said slowly.
She exhaled through her nose. “My partner, Kate and I—we want to have a baby.”
The way she said it sounded like each word was causing her enormous effort.
“But,” she added, “I have endometriosis. Which is fairly severe.” She tapped her abdomen lightly, almost apologetically. “So we’ve decided she’ll carry. At least for our first.”
I nodded, unsure where this was going, but feeling a tightness in my stomach. “Wow, um, congratulations.”
“Thanks.” she said flatly, then went on. “We looked into IVF,” she continued. “Clinics and sperm banks. All of it. And it’s…kind of brutal. Financially mostly. But also emotionally too I guess. And we just—we can’t afford it. Not even close actually. It would cost a huge portion of both of our combined annual salaries to even attempt it.”
Her voice wavered, but she swallowed it down.
“So we started talking about alternatives.” She hesitated, her voice was shaky like she might cry. “And I brought up the idea of asking someone we trust. Someone who isn’t a stranger in a catalogue book in a clinic. And you have good health, good genetics, your family is healthy. You’re fit. You’re even handsome, so you’re—well—someone…we’d be honored…to have connected to our family…to be our sperm donor. If you’re open to it.”
Then she went silent.
I realized I’d stopped breathing.
“Oh,” I said softly.
My brain didn’t go blank. In fact it went loud and into overdrive. A hundred thoughts in a flash.
What? Why me? Seriously? Is she insane? Is this a joke? Is she asking me to be a father? Am I supposed to raise a kid? What will Shawn say?
All that came out of my mouth though was a quiet: “Wow.”
She laughed nervously. “Yeah. Right? I know. It’s a lot. And this is really hard for me.”
I rubbed my palms together. “I’m…well, I’m really honored…uh—flattered. I mean that. I just, uh, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I know,” she said. “And I want to be very, very clear: we’re not asking for money or financial support. Nor can we offer you any. We’re also not asking you to co-parent. We’re not asking for any involvement you don’t want. We’re just…seeing if you’d even consider being the donor.”
There was a pause and I stared at my hands for a good long while.
“Okay,” she said, nervous laughing, “I think I’m going to go jump off a bridge now.”
“No, no!” I said quickly, “Sorry, I’m just processing.”
“Of course, but there’s one last thing I haven’t told you yet” she added quickly, wincing, “we kind of need it to be the, uh…natural method.”
I blinked hard. “Natural? Like…?”
“Not sexual,” she said immediately. “I mean, well yes—technically sexual—but like, not…romantic or intimate really. It’s actually very clinical. Like imagine the most awkward medical procedure imaginable. Just without the turkey baster or sterile environment. It’s the…how do I put this? It’s the free option.”
I paused for a long moment, “I see.” My eyebrows went up again, “I didn’t realize that was even a thing honestly. And forgive me, but I’m…I do have more questions.”
“It’s okay!” she said quickly, her eyes lighting up, “I was hyping myself up on the way over here getting ready for you to turn me down immediately. So questions are good.”
“Uh-huh, right. So you…would it just be…me and her? Or would you be…present for that?”
She chewed her lip. “We haven’t totally figured that part out. I want to support her, but it might be weird if I’m in the room. But it might be even weirder if I’m not in the room? We’re still talking it through.”
I nodded slowly. The entire café felt hotter.
“And I should also tell you,” she continued, “she’s a little skeptical of you. Not because you’re you, just because she knows we hooked up once.”
I almost laughed. “Yeah…I mean, that doesn’t even count.”
“I said the same thing,” she said, smiling weakly. “But she doesn’t know you yet. And she’s protective of me.” Another pause. “She’s protective of herself, too. Her parents were…really horrible when she came out. Disowned her. Kicked her out. It was really ugly. She’s been through a lot.”
I softened. “Jeez, that’s terrible.”
“I know.” She touched my wrist gently. “That’s why I thought of you for this. I knkw you’d be so kind with her.”
I stared down into my coffee, which was already going lukewarm. My heart was pounding in my throat. My arms felt too long for my body.
“So, can I think about it?” I asked.
Her shoulders sagged with relief. “Of course. Please. Take all the time you need.”
I hesitated, then added quietly, “It’s not a small thing.”
She nodded. “I know.”
Another beat.
Then, surprising even myself, I asked: “Would I ever get to…um, you know…see them? If I agree to do it?”
Her face softened instantly. “Yeah. Whenever you want.”
“And they’d know?” I was shocked to hear my own voice crack. “About…me?”
What the hell was happening?
“When they’re old enough, yeah.” Maria said. “We want them to know where they came from. And we want them to know they were loved and wanted by everyone from the start.”
Something inside me twisted that was equal parts warm and horrifying.
She reached forward, hands slightly trembling. “Listen, I know that this is absolutely bonkersville insane, but you’d be doing something unbelievable for us. More substantial than you probably even realize.”
I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger, overwhelmed.
But I nodded.
“I’ll think about it,” I repeated.
Her eyes filled with tears. Not dramatically or anything, just a bit overwhelmed. She leaned across the table and pulled me hard into a hug that I was not ready for, her face pressed into my shoulder.
“Thank you,” she breathed. “Thank you so much.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just held her for a moment, patting her shoulder awkwardly as a few people in the shop glanced over at us hearing her sniffle.
We left the café and parted ways on the sidewalk. She gave me one last grateful look, then turned and walked off toward the her car.
I stood there for a full minute after she disappeared.
That night, I told Shawn.
We were lying on the couch, her legs over mine, and I told her everything, with as much clarity as I could manage.
She didn’t speak right away.
Then she blew out a long breath and said, “Well…fuck.”
“Yeah.”
She kept thinking, staring at the ceiling, picking at the cuff of her sweatshirt. Then she turned to me.
“You want my honest opinion?”
“Always.”
She shrugged. “Fuck it. Help the poor girls have their baby, if you ask me.”
That surprised me. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Wait, are you serious?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I mean, it’s weird as hell. But it’s also kind of…beautiful. You know?”
“You know that it means I’d have to…”
“—Fuck her?” Shawn cut me off. “Yeah I know that. It sounds like to me though like she wouldn’t particularly enjoy it. So I’d imaging it’d be very pragmatic more than anything. Even if the act objectively feels physically good for you, in an odd sort of fucked up way.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. My mind started to spiral, which I think Shawn could sense.
She threw her leg over my lap to straddle me, and kissed me on the mouth. “I think you should help them make their cute little family. I think it’d be a really nice thing.”
Shawn’s hand then slipped down and began to rub me through my pants. She kissed my neck, while she undid my zipper and pulled my arousal out and began to stroke me, then whispered in my ear. “I’ve never wanted any myself, but I think you’d be a wonderful father…”
Something in the way she said it hit a part of me I didn’t realize was exposed. My breath caught in my throat and then got tangled and knotted inside my chest.
“Hey,” she murmured, kissing the side of my jaw. “Come on. Get out of your head. Help them out.”
Before I could respond, she slid off my lap, sinking to her knees between my legs with that confidence she always had whenever she got the inkling to shut my brain off. She looked up at me, hands on my thighs, a half-smirk tugging at her mouth.
“I’ve got you,” she said quietly, tongue sliding up my hard member gently. “Just relax.”
And then she leaned forward and wrapped me around her soft lips.
The details blurred almost immediately my hand in her hair as I felt the warmth of her breath and wetness of her mouth slide gently up and down.
My thoughts dissolved. All the spiraling, all the anxiety, all the emotional weight of the day fell away until I was nothing but breathing and the sound of her soft hum against me.
I managed, barely, to whisper a brief warning to her as I crested.
She squeezed my thigh in response, urging me, not stopping until my whole body tightened and broke apart in her hands as I filled her warm mouth.
She kept me there until the very last shudder left me.
When it was over, she rested her cheek on my thigh for a moment, like she needed a second to catch her breath too. Then she kissed my cheek, slow and warm, and climbed back up onto the couch beside me, curling against my side.
“See?” she murmured against my shoulder. “You’re going to be just fine.”
I let out a shaky breath and wrapped an arm around her, the room dim and quiet except for the low hum of the TV. She rested her head on my chest and traced lazy circles on my ribs.
I took weeks to think about it. Weeks where the idea sat in my chest like a cinderblock. Sometimes it felt beautiful. Sometimes downright terrifying. Mostly I just felt the weight of pure indecision.
Then one Friday evening, I got a text from Maria:
Hey! I’m so not meaning to rush you, but Kate’s ovulation cycle starts Monday. We’re totally fine if you want to wait another month to think. Just wanted to let you know in case you’ve made your decision 🙂
I stared at it for a long time. Then I typed:
Yeah. I’m in. I’ll do it.
She called me almost immediately. She sounded breathless and it kinda sounded like she was crying a little? She thanked me profusely and said she’d bring the papers over first thing in the morning.
Saturday, at that same coffee shop, I met her again. She had a manila folder tucked under her arm, her hair pulled into a short ponytail. She hugged me warmly and we sat down.
“So we got the forms and got them notarized by our lawyer friend,” she said, handing me the paperwork, embarrassed but looking excited. “It’s not, like, I don’t know, ironclad or anything. More just…to make sure we all have the same intent and are agreeing, legally.”
We sat in the booth while I read them. No parental rights. No financial obligation of any kind. No further expectations beyond conception. My voluntary involvement only if both I and the legal guardians wanted it.
I still couldn’t believe it, but I signed.
Maria let out a shaky breath and stared at me in gleeful disbelief. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You have…no idea.”
Before I left, she added gently, “Oh—this is very weird to talk about with you, but the doctor recommended you don’t, um…finish… for at least three days beforehand. Quantity and mobility and all that.”
“…Right.”
“So yeah, maybe, if you could avoid partaking at all this weekend…if at all possible?”
I nodded. My face probably went red. Hers definitely did.
She gave a small, apologetic smile. “Okay well, uh, we’ll see you on Monday night. And um, wear loose pants this weekend. Yeah?”
We both laughed uncomfortably, and went our separate ways until the night finally came.
Maria’s apartment was warm when she let me in. There were a couple of dim lamps and everything looked tidy. I handed Maria the full STD panel she had asked me to get prior to coming over, and she looked over it as Kate was sitting on the couch, hands laced in her lap. She looked smaller than I’d pictured. No more than probably 5’1”. She had curly flaming red hair and was wearing grey pajama pants and an oversized comfy looking t-shirt. She looked nervous, but honestly no more than anyone else.
“Hey,” Kate said quietly when I walked in.
“Hey, good to meet you.” I answered gently.
What the hell do you say in this situation?
Kate nodded but kept her eyes on her knees. I sat across from them, feeling like an intruder in their home.
Maria exhaled, rubbed Kate’s back softly, then looked at me. “Okay,” she said softly. “We should…talk through everything. Just to make sure we’re all comfortable and on the same page.”
I nodded. “Of course.”
Maria hesitated, glanced at Kate, then said, “So. First thing just so you’re aware…Kate has never…been with a guy before.”
Kate’s cheeks flushed, but she didn’t look ashamed or embarrassed. More just bracing herself.
“So I thought that might be important for you to know,” Maria continued. “Not because it changes anything. Just…so you understand what she’s walking into more so.”
Kate finally lifted her eyes to meet mine. Her voice paper-thin. “I really want this. And I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’m just nervous about this part is all.”
“Yeah I get it,” I said softly. “I really do. And I’m not here to make anything harder for you. We’ll just go everything at your pace, okay?”
Kate smiled and nodded. And Maria kissed her temple. “See? I told you.”
Maria took a breath and added, “She’d also feel more comfortable if I’m in the room if that’s okay. Just to be here to support her.”
I nodded again. “Of course.”
“There’s also…” Maria winced a little. “Okay, I’m just going to say the little awkward part. The doctor said…arousal helps. Like, physiologically for the woman. It increases the chances of conception. So I do want to be involved to a degree with her while you two are doing your thing to help her with that.”
Kate’s eyes fluttered closed at the bluntness of it.
Maria went on, “And if either of you two need…” Maria glanced at me, then quickly away, “…help…at all from me then Kate and I have agreed that we’re both okay with that, but only if that’s okay with you. First just conceptually, but I’ll also ask you for consent before I actually touch you if it comes to that.”
“Okay.” I said slowly, “Sure. Like you…?”
“I can help facilitate and move things along if I need to, however that looks within reason. But just a couple of quick things, some boundaries. If you could could avoid, uh…attempting to kiss Kate on the lips as well as keeping your mouth off of her lady bits, that would be appreciated. You can kiss her neck or other places if that helps, y’know…get you there, but she, and I as well, would be more comfortable if you abstained from that.”
“Absolutely, whatever you two need.” I said, awkwardly. Maria wasn’t wrong that this did feel very clinical.
The air felt thick and heavy. Kate shifted, took both of Maria’s hands in her own. Their foreheads touched. They whispered to each other, soft enough that I couldn’t hear at first. Just fragments really.
“I love you…”
“I love you too…it’ll be okay…I’ll be right here the whole…”
It felt odd being here for this part.
“Okay,” Maria said finally, voice steady. “We’re ready I think. We’ll have you turn around while Kate gets undressed. Then can you give us just a minute?” she asked quietly. “Just so she can settle a little. Help her relax?”
“Yeah,” I said immediately, backing away and turning to face the wall, trying not to laugh to myself at how uncomfortable it was and that it felt like I was in time-out.
Behind me, the bed shifted. Fabric moved as I heard the soft thump of Maria sitting beside her, the whisper of blankets being adjusted. Then the room went still for a moment.
I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear their breaths and low moans, low and close together. I heard smacking sounds of lips, and a wet suction noise as Kate moaned quietly.
I stayed facing the wall, hands in my pockets. Whatever was happening behind me wasn’t for me.
A few seconds later, the whispering quieted. The bed creaked softly again. Someone exhaled, long and steady.
“Okay,” Maria said gently from over my shoulder, her voice a little steadier now. “You can turn back.”
I turned.
Kate was under the covers, shoulders visible, still wearing the oversized t-shirt that swallowed her frame. She kept her eyes down but didn’t look afraid now. Then she looked up and was staring at me finally, and looking very focused actually.
Maria stood beside the bed, she had taken some of her clothes off and was wearing a nice lingerie set. Black and purple. She looked quite nice actually, rubbing Kate’s shoulder gently. Then she looked at me with a small, nervous laugh.
“So we’ll do—ahem—one deposit now,” she said as slowly and normally as she could. “Then we’ll wait an hour and do another. That should be enough for tonight. And we’ll do a few more tomorrow, and then a few more Wednesday. Is that okay with you?”
I nodded.
Maria swallowed, then spoke softly: “If you’re comfortable, it’s okay if you take off your clothes now.”
I felt a flush rise immediately as I pulled my shirt over my head and slid down my joggers and stepped out of them, but I didn’t question the asymmetry: the way they could see me without me seeing either of them fully. And that made sense, but I was just in my head with my dark thoughts. Trying to cope with how uncomfortable it was.
Maria gave me a small, reassuring smile as I slipped out of my underwear to be completely bare before them.
Kate was looking at Maria, and Maria was looking at me. Trying her best to keep her eyes politely on mine and nowhere else as I stepped towards them naked.
Kate was under the covers, shoulders just visible, curled slightly on her side. Maria sat beside her on the bed, brushing her thumb along Kate’s arm in small, steady circles.
Maria met my eyes and gave me a gentle nod. “Come here,” she said, patting the spot beside gently. “You can just…get under the covers, and you two can—well. You know.”
I breathed out slowly, and lifted the blanket. The air under there felt warmer, me feeling Kate’s nervous breaths. I positioned myself in between Kate’s legs, trying not to jostle the mattress. I could feel that she was completely bare from the waist down, the warm skin of her thigh brushing against mine. She whispered a small “Hey,” and I whispered it back. She chuckled out of awkwardness and both of us smiled at each other trying to pretend this was normal.
But my heart was pounding too hard in my hears. My throat was tight, and my hands felt wrong and out of place. And the longer I hesitated, the worse it got.
Nothing in my body cooperated.
After what was realistically less than 15 seconds but felt like forever, I gently backed away, retreating from the warmth of the blanket and sitting up naked beside the bed.
“Hey, I’m, uh—” I scratched my jaw, embarrassed. “I’m having some…trouble here.”
Kate sat up slightly, peeking at Maria. Maria followed my eyes downward on me and her voice softened immediately. “You wha—oh! Oh, okay.” Her tone wasn’t disappointed. More comprehension than anything. “I understand. It’s okay,” she said, touching my arm. “Really. I know this must feel so weird for you.”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah. I—yeah.”
Maria shifted closer, keeping one hand on Kate, the other braced on the mattress as she leaned toward me. “Hey,” she said gently. “No pressure. This is a lot. For all of us.”
“I know, I just—” My voice cracked in frustration. “I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You’re not,” she said firmly. “You’re not messing anything up.”
Kate nodded behind her. “We can…take a minute. Or start over. Whatever you need.”
I dragged a hand through my hair, feeling the heat in my face, the tightness in my chest. I’ve had other issues, but performance had never actually been one of them before for me. For a moment, I wondered if I’d been stupid. If I was an idiot for thinking I could handle this.
But Maria’s voice cut through my spiral.
“Take a second,” she said. “No one’s rushing you.” Then after a moment she asked, “Would it be okay if I helped you a little? Just so you’re a bit more warmed up?”
I nodded shakily, my eyes darting to Kate, “As long as you’re cool with it.”
“Yeah of course.” Kate smiled warmly, “It’s cool, this is new territory for all of us. Whatever you need to do.”
Maria reached to the bedside and grabbed a small, clear bottle. She squirted a liberal amount of the clear substance into her hand, and asked “Can I touch you down there? I think it’ll help.”
I nodded and Maria’s hand reached out and started to gently massage my genitals. I blew air out of my mouth as Maria slid her hand all over the base of my mostly flaccid dick, her painted black fingernails gently massaging the underside of my balls. It felt cold at first, but her hand was warm and soft.
She leaned in towards me and kissed me on the side of my neck, then breathed, “Relaaaaax, it’s okay if you enjoy it. It’s better actually. I want it to feel good for you.”
Almost immediately I felt blood rush to my nether regions. My eyes became unfocused as Maria’s had sensed this and began to slide her hand up and down my lubed up hard cock. “There he is…” Maria muttered, and I looked up to see that she was smiling now.
I felt Maria’s other and cup around my balls and massage me as her other hand worked on my shaft.
“Does it feel good?” Maria asked at a normal volume now, her hands not slowing down at all.
“Yeah it feels great.” I said back.
“Let me know when you’re ready…” Maria glanced at Kate, both hands still working my cock, then back at me, her voice low. “and you can get back under the sheets.”
I nodded slowly, inhaled, exhaled, said, “I’m good.” and lifted the covers again. Maria’s warm hands coming off of me…
Chapter 2 is already live here! Check it out if you like it so far! Too long for one post.
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